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And it is hard to move on without feeling a Flower I am a simple woman I like camping and wine shirt. Would I have gone on the trips I did if I’d had him around still? Scott would have liked them once he got there, but I’m not sure he would ever have agreed to go on some of them. Would I have learned as much about myself if I still had him sheltering me from the things I don’t enjoy, and guiding me and rubbing off on me in as many ways as he did? I did not adjust quickly to having to maintain everything about my home, lifestyle, and job entirely by myself, and in some ways, I still have not. It’s hardest, though, to figure out who I am without him and strive to be that person.
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I certainly would not have come to know my current boyfriend as more than just a Flower I am a simple woman I like camping and wine shirt. That journey, too, has been amazing. It began with him listening a lot, as I sorted through the grief and all the old unresolved questions that came with it and, especially at first, often talking as much about Scott as about him or us. Scott never met the man I’m now seeing, but he knew of him, and once, while Scott was sick, we talked about whether, and even whom, I might love after he was gone. I don’t think Scott liked hearing others’ names attached to who I might love after he was gone, but ours was the sort of relationship in which we talked openly, however uncomfortable the subject